Why do we sleep train babies?

In order to understand why this a question, we ask today, first we must know the history behind sleep training. What we don’t realize, it all started during the industrial revolution in the 1830’s, and a turning point in history for women entering the work force and equality rights. However, it also forced new mothers to work long hours of shift work, making it a necessity versus a preference that their little ones were fully weaned and sleeping longer stretches before developmentally ready. During this time new mothers were also instructed by doctors to touch their babies as little as possible to avoid transferring disease at such a vulnerable age.

Sleep training – not to say it doesn’t have its place somewhere in western society with the large number of parents needing to return to work soon after their little one arrives. It’s extremely important for parents to know it’s a choice and not a necessity. What the Books and sleep trainers don’t tell new parents, sleep doesn’t need to be taught, it’s a basic instinct. You can’t control sleep, not even your own, and whatever parenting path you choose needs to be right for you and your family. It’s completely normal for babies past the age of one to still wake in the night depending on their unique temperament and dietary needs. What isn’t normal, making parents believe that all babies should be sleeping through the night, when in reality, this information is based off the babies who have been put through sleep training, even then, these babies who once slept through the night will most likely change sleep patterns once again when something developmental takes place or a new tooth is on it's way.

Educating parents on the “normal” or should I say, not so normal parts of infant sleep; should be just as important as prenatal classes. There are things we can do from day one to promote healthier sleep patterns for everyone. That doesn’t require separating ourselves from our child or dismissing their needs, which include contact and closeness. The term ‘cry it out’ was first used in the publication of Dr. Luther Emmett Holt’s ‘The Care and Feeding of Children’ (1894) who also wrote that babies cry out of indulgence or habit if rocked or held too much. Pardon me? I think we’ve evolved immensely since 1894 yet books are still being written today following this idea.

The more we understand what infant/child sleep should look like, the less likely we are to feel disappointed or like a failure when our child isn’t sleeping how society says they should. It also helps new parents target any red flags that might be present if their child’s sleep appears abnormal – this is where parental instincts need to come into play.

Parents think that sleep training is a one and done deal, that you just need to make it through the days/weeks of ignoring your instincts while you dream of a future filled with sleeping through the night. This isn’t the case, as your baby gets older and their sleep needs change, you need to continuously adjust wake times, naps and bedtimes while continuously working on your attachment relationship that can only be nurtured through responding to their needs.

Creating healthy sleep for you and your family is really a lifestyle change—you need to take care of yourself and have support in place, so you have patience and energy. Helping them navigate the curveball’s that life throws at them, like starting daycare, the arrival of a new sibling or going on a trip (where they may have to sleep in a different space or crib). Colds and illnesses, as well as time changes, can also throw a wrench in your ‘perfect schedule’. The trick is to take it in stride and not get hung up on the end goal, reminding yourself sleep isn’t linear. We need to let go of control, and ask for help when we need it, it will work itself out if you and your child feel loved and supported along the way.

When we look at the history behind sleep training, it has nothing to do with teaching a child how to sleep. Rather a solution to our fast-paced society where we are overworked, seeking a quick solution to get back to the life we had before our children. If sleep was a skill that needed to be taught, over 90 percent of the world wouldn’t be sleeping. Since ‘sleep training’ is unheard of in different parts of the world.

While sleep training can be an effective parenting technique, it seems important to consider its origins in the nineteenth-century industry, and to question the motives behind it’s twenty-first century resurgence and rebranding of the Gentle, No-Cry, Pick up – Put down, and Chair methods. Which all result in the same method of using separation. An entire industry is capitalizing on outdated ideologies that have no scientific evidence behind them, making billions of dollars from tired parents. We wouldn’t use a car seat made in the 1980’s why are we still following parenting and sleep advice from then?

In the end, your baby will probably be a “good sleeper” after all – just not on your desired timeline.