Self-Care - the unspoken part of infant sleep

Often, as you enter the journey of parenthood, you feel so much pressure to abandon your needs to ensure your baby feels loved and secure in your relationship. There seems to be a general misunderstanding when we think about building a secure attachment. All parents want their babies to know that they are there for them, that they are loved, and would never want them to feel abandoned. As a result, many of you will tend to put your baby’s needs ahead of your own. Going through months of sleepless nights, keeping baby with you when you go to the bathroom, not taking a shower because you fear your baby will be upset, not sitting down for a meal because you "don’t have time," and even worrying about letting anyone else care for your baby while you take a moment for yourself. You need to know that your self-care is CRITICAL. If you do not care for yourself, you will not be able to care for your baby.

It's important that you build a strong bond with your baby, but to do that, your baby needs a healthy caregiver. Babies require a caregiver who is fueling their body with nutritious food, a caregiver who looks forward to seeing their baby because they have had a few minutes to walk around the block and come back energized. It is important (and sometimes necessary) to leave your baby in the care of someone else who loves them so that you can eat a meal (giving your body the energy to make it through the rest of the day) or take a shower (so you can feel refreshed), or get out on a walk (so you have some time to breathe). It is a win-win situation; you will be more patient, relaxed, happy and healthy when you return. This is important as your baby’s nervous system follows the nervous system of the person caring for them. If you do not take care of yourself, you can end up getting frustrated and angry, and these feelings will be felt by your baby.

It's common for us to often look at our baby’s sleep as the reason we aren’t sleeping or the reason that we don’t feel well. However, we often fail to look at our own health and sleep hygiene. Yes, sleep deprivation and caring for another human being can make it challenging to care for yourself. Still, reflecting on whether you are doing everything you can to make this time easier and more manageable is essential. Are you staying up too late? Are you spending too much time looking at your phone/computer screen? Are you drinking too much coffee or drinking enough water? Are you taking a bit of time every day to walk or get some exercise? Are you getting outdoors? Are you eating too much-processed food?

Please reflect on your health and sleep hygiene and consider whether you could add any of the following into your day to practice self-care. Adding things to your routines is much easier than trying to take things away. It's incredible how much easier it is to manage those sleepless nights when you actively care for yourself, which takes care of your baby.

• Drink lots of water

• Make time for eating and focus on balanced, healthy nutrition

• Sit in the sunlight each morning and soak up the Vitamin D rays

• Build your village

• Pause for a moment, use mindfulness to listen to the birds, appreciate the
blue sky, be in the moment and breathe

• Make time for exercise. Even a walk each morning is better than nothing

• Outsource/delegate - can anyone help take something off your plate? Could you consider a mother’s helper so that you could get some things done around the house or take some time for yourself? Could you delegate a list of household tasks to your partner?

• Yoga, meditation, observing nature, journaling, decorating, shopping, singing, dance

• Plan a coffee date with a friend or even a phone call a day to socialize

• Set up “date nights” with your partner once a month. Invite a grandparent or relative to watch your children, hire a sitter, or consider swapping childcare with a trusted friend.

• Consider keeping a gratitude list

• Be kind to yourself and forgive yourself often

• Physically connect with loved ones: a hug for 10-20 seconds releases oxytocin

• Say “no” to extra work. Nurture yourself instead with a good book and a hot
bubble bath, play relaxing music and escape for a little while. Making this a part of your bedtime routine can help you relax before bed.

• Build an empathy team of like-minded friends who are simply there to listen, not fix things

• Find the old YOU and think about the things that you used to love doing before, baby. How could you add these back into your day?

• Most importantly... Let Go! Let go of the need to do it all and be in control. Let go of the need to sacrifice "me time" for your baby. Self-care is about prioritizing your needs and teaching your baby (by example) how to love and respect themselves through watching how well you treat yourself.

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Photo:@crystalblondphotography