Is your baby getting enough sleep?

Your baby spends 70% of their sleep in active sleep, similar to our REM (Rapid Eye Movement). This is because the brain restores itself during this time. All newborns do in the first 3-4 months is eat, sleep and take in the world around them. They need 70% of brain restoration to support their growth and development. This active state of sleep also protects them from SIDS since it's easy for them to wake out of this state of sleep. The other 30% is spent in deep which restores the body. Their body isn't doing much with gross motor skills, so getting those more extended periods of deep sleep is unnecessary at this age. This will come when their sleep begins to mature, and their body starts to work on rolling.

Babies and children are wired to be fragmented sleepers, especially in those early months when all they need to focus on is gaining weight and growing, which means eating around the clock. They are supposed to be wakeful day and night; babies have small stomachs, meaning small, frequent feeds are needed to maintain healthy growth and development. If your baby is eating, pooping, smiling and cooing, making eye contact or happily watching the world around them and, of course, growing. They are getting enough sleep. Don't be alarmed if most of their sleep seems restless; it's because their brain is firing and wiring synapses faster during the first year than at any other time in their life.

Some babies are more vocal and move around in active sleep than others. This is due to their temperament, and sleep will usually remain reasonably active for these babies into adulthood.

Sleep cycles mature, but sleep is still fragmented. Of course, a handful of babies will start to sleep longer, deeper stretches once their sleep cycles mature to more adult-like cycles (this starts around 12 - 16 weeks and can take as long as 8 months to fully mature). We need to remind ourselves that only 50% of the population is what you would consider "easygoing" when it comes to sleep. This means the rest of the population isn't going to behave or sleep like "generic" parenting books tell you they will. Once again, sleep boils down to temperament and who your baby is as a person will determine things like sleep needs and their ability to fall asleep and stay asleep independently.

If you look at sleep science, everyone experiences partial arousal during sleep cycles. Some babies will move through these cycles without noticing; for others, if they are slightly hungry, have a wet diaper, are too hot or cold, or just feel anxious because they are not with you, they will fully wake up and most likely need support getting back to sleep. This is why our goal isn't to stop these wakes but instead to support them in a way that works for you and your child to minimize their time awake. Sleep-trained babies don't necessarily sleep more; they might not call out while awake. As hard as it is on new parents during the first year to experience fragmented sleep. A child's need for connection is as critical at night as in the day. Expecting your baby to happily separate from you for 12 hours each night can be unrealistic if they are not ready to do so.

I think there is a big misconception that babies should magically sleep through the night once they are one year old. It is still normal for a toddler to wake at night to ask for milk, water and connection. Especially if they have started care outside the home. If they are away from you all day, chances are they will be seeking connection at night. At this age and any age really, we are not focusing on the amount of wakes but rather the amount of time they are awake. If a baby or toddler is waking multiple times but is only awake for a few minutes at a time, these wakes are not going to affect their development. Everyone wakes up at night. It's a common thought in my sleep world that if a baby wakes up at night to eat and falls back to sleep right away, they are "sleeping through the night." It's hard on mom and dad, but chances are they are still getting enough sleep.

Your baby's mood is one of the best indicators that they are getting enough sleep. This doesn't mean they won't wake up grumpy (some temperaments wake grumpy regardless of the amount of sleep they've had; this also doesn't change into adulthood. Not everyone is a morning person). A baby who is getting enough rest will be happy to eat when hungry, engage in eye contact or play, and be eager to learn about the world around them. They also have an easier time falling asleep when it's time for naps and bedtime (this doesn't mean falling asleep independently; this means falling asleep with or without parental support).

We also need to consider development when trying to guage their mood if they are having multiple wakes at night or are refusing naps. Instead of stressing that they are not sleeping enough, ask yourself, "What is happening in my child's world that could be keeping them awake?" It's normal for sleep to be interrupted when your child is teething or sick. It's also incredibly normal for your baby to have shorter than usual naps or refuse naps altogether when working on new skills. Your child's brain is the most active in the evening, so it makes sense when they are wakeful in the middle of the night to practice new skills or to call out for connection (growing up can be scary).

Fragmented sleep is biologically normal in the first year and even in the years between, depending on your baby and their temperament. Your baby or child's body and brain are growing rapidly; for some children, this means no interest in eating, skipping naps, bedtime battles, and middle-of-the-night wakes. For others, it means sleeping and eating more than usual. Every baby is different. The sleep training industry has instilled so much fear in new parents, making them think that if their baby isn't having 1-2 hour naps during the day and sleeping through the night, they're not getting enough sleep. Only a small percentage of babies have high sleep needs, and even these babies will have sleep disturbances when going through development.

It's your job to understand who your baby is and how the world around them affects them. This way, you will know how much sleep they actually need to succeed during the day and create nap routines and sleep patterns that work for them. Because every child is so different, sleep schedules will vary from family to family and even child to child.

When you understand your child's temperament, you confidently know when your child isn't getting the rest they need. It allows you to shift your mindset from "How can I make my baby sleep more?" to "How can I best support my child so they want to sleep?" Your child's sleep is out of your control, but you can control how you respond when they're not sleeping and create routines and patterns that support sleep in the best way possible for them. You can have the best routines in place, but if those routines don't support your child's temperament and sleep needs, sleep won't come easy.

When I had my second baby, I couldn't believe how different two babies from the same parents could be. I need to use completely different strategies for each of them when it comes to sleep. Understanding this has changed our lives, and I can proudly say sleep is rarely a battle in our home.

Let me teach you! My Temperament & Sleep course is filled with everything you need to better understand your baby or child's temperament with unique strategies depending on their personality (and yours). It also covers raising the spirited/strong-willed child and the highly sensitive child with an extensive three-part interview with a Pediatric Occupational Therapist covering all things sensory and how to understand your baby's temperament from an early age.

Click the link Temperament & Sleep to access my online course today.